10 Things I Hated (and Loved) About Captain America: Civil War

Certain movies are just too big to bother writing a review for. Let’s be honest, you’re going  to watch Captain America: Civil War regardless of what some douche behind a keyboard says. In fact, you’ve most likely already watched it and judging by Rotten Tomatoes’ score you loved it! Hell I loved it. If this wasa traditional review I’d give it 4 out of 5 Cap’ Merica’ Shields but since you’ve already seen it and you already love it I won’t try to sway you one way or another. Instead, I’ll just list off a few things I hated about the film (and a few things I loved) and see how much you disagree (or agree) with me!

#1 - HATED: This is not a Captain America Movie.

With the exception of the Avengers 1 and 2, each film in the MCU (that’s Marvel Cinematic Universe to you noobs) has focused mainly on ONE main character at a time with other heroes merely aiding in minor roles. Captain America: Civil War, however,is a full-fledged Avengers movie. Sure, the story does revolve around Captain America but one could argue that just as much of the film, if not more, focuses on Tony Stark AKA Iron Man. When you tack this on to the fact that like 12 other heroes are involved in the story you really have to wonder if this should be considered a Captain America movie at all. I mean, I get it, you can’t drop two Avengers Movies so closely together but really, the film should have been called “Marvel’s Civil War”.

#2 - LOVED: Plenty of character development.

I’m really just complaining about the title of the film because I want to see another full-fledged Captain America film but I honestly like that Civil War manages to fit in a good bit of character development for some of the other Avengers. I really enjoyed seeing the Scarlet Witch and Vision characters develop a few their stories and honestly, the film could have given them more screen time. It was also cool to see Thunderbolt Ross return to the MCU and a little more backstory for Agent Carter was a welcome surprise. (RIP Agent Carter on ABC)

#3 - HATED: Not nearly enough Crossbones.

When I first heard that the Marvel supervillain Crossbones was going to be in this film I was stoked. He played a huge part in the death of Captain America in the comics and was a major part of the Civil War storyline. In Civil War Crossbones is killed like five minutes into the film…. What the hell Marvel?! Sure, Crossbones is not exactly a household name but in Civil War he could just as well have been replaced with any nameless grunt from any random terrorist organization. I know that Marvel has pretty much an endless amount of heroes and villains to burn though but Crossbones deserved more.

#4 - LOVED: ERMAGERD BLACK PANTHER!

One character that Civil War pays just the right amount of attention to is the race-barrier-smashing icon Black Panther! I feel like the filmmakers gave quite an adequate amount of perfect way to introduce such an important character and I cannot wait to see what the MCU has in store for T’Challa!

#5 - HATED: Baron Zemo? More like Boring Zero!

Why would you take a legendary icon of evil created by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee and make him into a giant cry baby who spends the entire movie hiding from the Avengers? Baron Zemo is supposed to be the predecessor to the Red Skull (you know, from the first Captain America movie) but Civil War reveals that there is absolutely no connection between the two, in fact, Zemo seems to hate Nazis!  So, who is Baron Zemo in this film? Just some pissed off guy upset that his wife and kid got killed during an Avengers battle. Okay, well, I’d be pissed too but I’m not sure that would make me wage war on the planet’s greatest heroes. In fact, if Baron Zemo is just some average schmoe then how the hell does he have the ability to do all of the things he does in the film? I know the film mentions he was a former Sokovian colonel but still, he manages to pull off things only James Bond would be able to do.

#6 - HATED: The “war” is confusingly forced.

Ok, so what was the war about? The UN feel that the Avengers are dangerous and need to be governed by something called the Sokovia Accords. Tony Stark thinks it’s a good idea, Steve Rogers (Captain A) disagrees. The two could have verbally argued about this for two and half hours but the revelation that Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier) is responsible for the assassination that sparked the Accords changes things. Captain America wants to prove Bucky didn’t do it and the UN, supported by Iron Man, just want to kill Buckey without a trial. What?! You mean, you have Tony fricking Stark who, in this very movie, proves he can find the identity of anyone on the planet (ahem, Spiderman) isn’t even interested in the least bit in proving the ACTUAL assassin’s identity but instead would rather engage in all-out war with half the Avengers? Even after it is revealed that Bucky has been framed by Zemo the film doubles down on the flawed conflict by exposing the Winter Soldier as the brainwashed assassin of Tony Stark’s parents and worst of all Steve Rogers knew! Sure, this would make me angry too but how would Captain America even know? Wasn’t he frozen then? Even if he did know how would Tony Stark not know? Even then, it’s a pretty well-known fact that Bucky was more or less a zombie slave of Hydra so wouldn’t Tony at least kinda understand? I may be stretching expectations here but had the filmmakers decided to go with the superhuman registration act storyline from the comics I feel we would have had a more coherent conflict to absorb here.

#7 - LOVED: This film is all-out fan service.

Above all things Captain America: Civil War is one giant love letter to fans of Marvel super heroes. Sure, the plot may be kinda dumb and the characters are all over the place but that’s kinda what makes it so much fun!  Even though the film really lacks a strong villain fans will still absolutely love seeing these characters smash each other to bits in their own unique ways. It may not be the perfect film but it is exactly the kind of hero on hero brawl that any comic nerd would want to see up on the big screen.

#8 - LOVED: Spider-Man, Spider-Man. Does whatever Sony Pictures cant.

This. Is. Spider-man! Or more importantly, this is Peter Parker. Tom Holland does the perfect job of nailing the nerdy, awkward yet feverishly witty persona of Spidey’s hidden identity and for the first time, I really feel like this is the Peter Parker that Stan Lee envisioned. His action scenes were great as well and Spidey was a refreshing addition that the MCU could have done without but I’m oh-so-glad that they did not! Oh, and guess what? No tired-as-hell- told-a-million-times origin story!! Thank you for coming to your senses, Sony. Enjoy your money.

#9 - HATED: Spidey’s inclusion made no sense.

Hey, nothing’s perfect, right? I just said that Spidey’s inclusion was good but his introduction felt completely out of place and made no sense.  Looking back, the whole introductory scene felt out of place but I was too busy nerding out to care at the time. Iron Man is preparing for a massive battle with half of the world’s strongest heroes and who does he need to sway the tides of war? A teenager from Queens. Sure, he’s seemingly had super strength for a few months but still, why Parker? Furthermore, they say that Stark’s technology deduced that Peter Parker was Spider-Man but he couldn’t sniff out Zemo as the imposter that just so happened to be under his nose the entire time?! I would have just had Spider-Man show up with no explanation and choose a side based on happenstance. No setup necessary, just gimme the Spidey!

#10 - LOVE: This is very well made action film.

What else would you expect form the studio that brought you twelve other awesome action films of the highest caliber? Keep it up Marvel Studios. Lucky loves ya!